I knew he was battling something.  He was becoming more withdrawn and small stuff set him off pretty easy. He wasn’t his normal self. I was concerned that if I said something, he would get pissed at me, but I could see where he was heading – a pretty dark place. I mustered the courage to have a chat with him at lunch. He didn’t get mad, he broke down and thanked me for caring. That made me feel good and broke the ice for him to reach out for help."

Jim, Site Manager
PART 5 : HOW TO HELP A COLLEAGUE

How to Have a Conversation About Mental Health

When you’re concerned about a colleague, it can be tough to know how to talk to them about your concerns. If you think a colleague is struggling with their mental health, don’t ignore it. Be aware that talking about personal struggles can be difficult and they might get emotional, embarrassed or upset.

  • When a conversation may be needed
  • Have you noticed more fear, anxiety, anger, irritability, sadness and emptiness? Are they withdrawn, quiet, mood swings?
  • Have you noticed them being less engaged and more disconnected? Has the person’s behaviour or thinking changed?
  • Concentration, distraction, memory, communication – sentences with hesitation, silences or no ending?
  • Is the person distant, overprotective, jumpy, denying or avoiding, taking risks, hungover or impaired, doing things like taking risks on site?
  • Sometimes it’s just a gut feeling. Trust your gut!
  • Think about the right place and the right time
  • Maybe at a park, over a coffee, offsite; somewhere quiet and private.
  • No special skills are needed, you just need to be:
  • Empathetic - try and put yourself in their shoes
  • Approachable – don’t judge and don’t try and have all the answers
  • Willing to listen – give them your full attention
  • And let them know it’s confidential!
  • How to start the conversation
  • Start with...
    • "How are you doing?"
    • "What’s happening in your world?"
    • "How’s life?"
    • "How’s the family?"
  • If they’re okay talking, then mention specific things that have made you concerned, such as "You don't seem yourself - anything up?"
  • How can you support them?
  • Let them know you’re asking because you’re concerned about them.
  • If they get upset or angry, stay calm, don’t take it personally.
  • Ask questions about what is going on like:
    • Have you spoken to anyone else about this?
    • What would help you manage the load?
    • What can we change to make life easier?
  • Don’t interrupt or rush, be patient and listen. Take it seriously.
  • What next?
  • Think about what other support they may need such as the Employee Assistance Program, their family doctor, family, friends, church leaders, and help them to contact them.
  • Avoid assuming what they may need.
  • Ask them things like:
    • "How can I help?"
    • "What would be a good first step?"
    • "What has helped before?"
  • Follow up in a couple of days.

Recovery starts with a conversation!
Tips for Starting a Conversation About Depression

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